Lately I haven't been able to eat at the finest establishments in the city, because I'm struggling financially (I ate my bank manager you see...) but because I hate cooking I needed somewhere to eat that was tasty, healthy and CHEAP.

As I was shuffling my way down the streets of London searching for this holy trinity, I stumbled upon Mario's Pizza in Salmon Lane. The blatant Nintendo rip-off caught my eye, as I'm a professional Mario Kart player (as well as Jedi impersonator, but that's for another review...). 

Before I knew it, I found myself in the outlet perusing a menu that was as confusing and self-contradictory as a UKIP manifesto. The combination of meal deals and BOGOFs (that's "buy one get one free" offers for those who probably don't need to know what that stands for) was enough to send most people into a frenzy. But not me. I was hungry... and determined. 

Drawn to the copious fried chicken in the hot plate, with light beaming on it and a choir of angels singing a top F in the background, I ordered 4 hot wings and a 7'' inch pizza with typical Italian toppings such as tandoori chicken, jalapeños (one of my 5-a-day SORTED) and bacon (another of my 5-a-day SORTED). 

It all came to - THREE POUNDS! I had found elysium! 4 chicken wings for just £1! Who needs a Euro collapse to make that solitary coin worth something again! And yes, a 7 inch pizza with three toppings for just £2! Too good to be true?

I tore into the chicken wings like a bishop's daughter at prom, savouring the taste of victory. I had beaten the system and found cheap food in London! What could I do next... maybe a commute that's less than 40 minutes? The wings of course were nothing special, but they tasted pretty good. I would say they were slightly less tasty than KFC wings, but with more meat (if it really is meat..), so ultimately better value!

The pizza, of course, was nothing special, even if Mario of Bros fame owned it... It was like a cheap Pizza Hut deep pan, but with the sauce they do in their Italian bases (less seasoning), but it was generously filled.

I left the establishment with the same air of satisfaction as one would have after their first kiss with the girl/guy of their dreams (I guess so at least - I wouldn't know that feeling...) - I had found cheap heaven, and I was definitely coming back... tomorrow.

Pros: cheap, tasty, did I mention it's cheap?
Cons: not the best quality, but it is cheap...
Would I recommend: If, like me, you are short of cash, big on appetite, and indifferent to getting a heart attack, Mario's Pizza is a place I'd whole-heartedly (with extra cholestrol) recommend!